JOKES::UNLIMITED

• The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

• A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.

She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

• Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.

Any comments?"His new bride said,

"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."